He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I need a burrito and a hug.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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