fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
