seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize