There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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