I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
