That's intense
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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