i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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