I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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