i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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