hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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