Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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