I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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