I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
