so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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