If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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