just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize