i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
