Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
