p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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