At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
