Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
