i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
