Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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