the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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