My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
