I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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