We're like a lot better than the average bears
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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