Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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