she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
