It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
