sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
