I am in a vortex of obligation.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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