3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
