Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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