The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
