I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize