cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize