Don't make out with my wife yet
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
that is very illegal...i love you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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