We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
