You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
