I got chris browned last night
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
