Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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