Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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