I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
