I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
