Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
BRING THE BAGELS
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
