fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
