He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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