All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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