well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
