You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
