I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
