I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize