It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
