She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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