i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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