I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We had to coat check the pizza.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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