There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
