About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
