It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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