So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
