if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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