He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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