Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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