Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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