I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
