Can i not drive my cunt home
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize