Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
