It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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