She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I wear drunk well.
Randomize