Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
