You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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