Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
