The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
