I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
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Best friends brother. Beat that.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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