i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
