think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
