Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
