How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
