just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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