she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
