New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
time to smoke my breakfast
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
