the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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